“Alive” - Empire of the Sun
Loretta, I love you. Not like they told you love is, and I didn’t know this either, but love don’t make things nice - it ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren’t here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and *die*. The storybooks are *bullshit*. Now I want you to come upstairs with me and *get* in my bed!
My current feelings: sadness in myself, shame for being a fool. I wasted 6 months on someone who never really seemed to love me. It was all words and no actions. Why did I put up with being an afterthought? I am someone that should be valued, dammit. I gave 110%.
It hurts only getting 10% back.
And I am so scared of my life right now. Cry. I was doing so well for the last week.